High School Baggage

Today marks the end of my second official week of classes at college, and this weekend will be my third weekend of living in the dorm. It's a bit surreal to be looking back now. Three weeks of freedom. Three weeks of independence. Three weeks of confusion.

You know, in the movies they tell you that college is when you can finally be accepted for who you truly are. The gay characters in movies are always suddenly out of the closet and living fabulous lives. Well, I am here to tell you that this is not the case. Rather, I have baggage leftover from high school in a couple different forms:

First, I have no experience with casually coming out. How do you tell someone that you've known for a week that you are gay? Are you even supposed to tell them? I mean, I feel like it's an important fact about that I might want to bring up, especially since its a side not many of my high school friends know, but its just so awkward. And the longer that I go on without telling this new friend, the more awkward it is to bring up. Do I just not outright not tell anyone until the day when I walk by holding hands with another guy? It's all very confusing and stressful.

Second, there are people at my University. I mean, obviously, but beyond that, it never occurred to me until I arrived just how many people I already known on campus. I mean, I know everyone from childhood friends to high school 'friends', family friends to high school acquaintances, and even my own sister. And then, of course, there are all the friends of my sister who I've briefly met. With all of these combined, even though my University has around 60,000 students, I am always passing someone I somewhat know on my way to class or the dining hall. And, since being gay is the opposite of the lifestyle most of these people associate me with, there is a ton of pressure to hide it. I always thought coming out was supposed to be easy in high school.